9

In Pythagorean numerology the number 9 symbolizes the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. In the simple world where I live away from any type of Pythagorean anything, the number 9 represents the number of years my dad has been dead. That sounds cold, but I’m ok with saying he’s dead, because he is. When I refer to my dad to people that didn’t know him, I will say “my dad passed away,” and then they say, “I’m sorry,” and then a whole conversation ensues and goes down a road that I don’t feel compelled to travel as often anymore. That road, the few years after my dad did pass away, I was driving (likely speeding) in the carpool lane by myself constantly, because that’s where I felt most comfortable. Now, 9 years later, I’m finding my gait, it’s relaxed, yet strong, smooth, not as laboured and I’m beyond grateful for that.

Today marks 9 years of life without my dad and since I wrote last year on the anniversary of his death, I have been going through some changes in my life and family and in no way do the changes in my family compare to the loss of my dad, but some losses have happened, and some changes that have made me pause and experience grief, not in the final way that death encompasses but grief all the same. I was looking up the significance of the number 9 and this is a little something that I came across, “The number 9 is a highly spiritual number, symbolizing spiritual enlightenment, spiritual awakening, universal love, humanitarianism and service to humanity, generosity, selflessness, inner strength, setting a positive example and divine wisdom….”. I particularly love enlightenment, awakening, and inner strength. These three resonate with me immensely. I feel I have made huge strides in my grief journey, personal milestones if you will, and that is the key, personal. What I may see as a milestone someone else might find it to be nothing important, or maybe even a deterioration of my sensitivity to grief and loss in general but remember this, it is all personal. When I see these steps as positive and giving me more freedom in my grief journey, I see it as a win!

9 things that I would like to share that I have found to be extremely helpful since my dad has died and possibly you or anyone whom you know that is experiencing loss, whether fresh or integrated loss might find helpful. These are not in any order:

1. Give yourself grace, grace to feel what you need to feel, when you need to feel it

2. Be patient with yourself

3. It’s ok to laugh and be happy, you do not need to feel guilty

4. There is no itinerary on your grief, or markers of where you should be, or when you should be there, you’re mapping this journey, you and you alone

5. Try and take the best care of yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually

6. Do not have expectations on how you THINK others should be grieving, whether it pertains to the same death or their own loss, “they’re remarrying already?”, THAT is none of your business

7. What works for me isn’t a prescription for what might work for you, but having an amazing support system in your grieving community is an asset and when you have others to talk to it can be an outlet and very therapeutic

8. I put on articles of my dad’s clothing and wrap myself up in them, it brings me comfort, or hold things that he held, I can’t explain the solace, it is palpable

9. You can do this, you can integrate the loss into your life and it will become more manageable

My tenure as a griever has evolved over the last 9 years, and I’m thankful for that. It’s odd how we go through our days, weeks and months and we know the date on the calendar, however I personally go through a cathartic holiday leading up to the anniversary of my dad’s death. I find myself going through pictures on my phone, wearing some of his clothes and putting on his jewellery and other things like that and I found that this little holiday I was able to delete some pictures that I was holding onto. THIS IS PERSONAL. They were pictures of him days, hours before his death, he is almost unrecognizable, and I have needed to keep these pictures for whatever reason up until a week ago and it made me personally happy that I didn’t need to keep these anymore. I had to ask myself last week, am I punishing myself? Is that why I am keeping these? No. I just needed them and last week I just didn’t. It’s that simple, grief IS difficult but to me, it can be so simple if you go with the flow of how you choose to operate.

I leave you with this, the power of the #9 “It represents patience and harmony. It is the number of love and faith.” Be patient with yourself and you will find that you and your grief will work well together in perfect harmony…have faith, trust me you can do this🤎